Taming This Tyke's Voice Since 2007

Dream

Waiting For The Sign

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Eyes  lie in wait ~

Day and night ~

Skies in surveillance

Waiting for the sign

That might be sent

From the future,

As the gentle streams of life,

And the rough currents

Of circumstances

That ever oppose

Mold the pebbles

In the bed of stones

By the river

Adorned by some weeds

Unimportant

Unknown.

"pebbles" pencil, pen and ink on paper by Jeques 2011

Awaiting for some hands

To pick them up.

 

Awaiting for some great minds

To give them names.

 

Unaccounted for ~

Remaining like a worthless bead

In the infinities ~

Awaiting for some gifted hands

To weave him

In the precious thread

Of chance, to adorn

Like a pendant

To rest forever

Closest to your chest.

 

Pick me from the infinities

And carve my fingers

With marks to define my distiction.

Paint my blank facade

With a face

And buy me a name.

 

Find me in the dunes.

You’d easily recognize me

Among the pebbles.

Look closely

And find in my eyes

Your own reflection:

 

Waiting for the sign.

 

 

 

 


The Morning After

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The snow fall frenzy of yesterday rolled to a halt. The clouds reduced to thin layers partially covering the sun; the morning after promises a clear day.  The weather seem to illustrate my present state of mind. Yesterday, I presented myself, my works and everything that I dreamed about since I was three to the right audience that understands the artist Jeques and share my passion. Yesterday was an overload of activities I tried to digest – fast-paced – clogging my system and clouding my thoughts unabsorbed but are now starting to make sense. As I gather myself together today, there are things I wanted to write to right things about what I said yesterday, to bring my thoughts to clarity on the page.

Introduction and Art Presentation

About the “Waif”

 Let me invite you to a place where a waif resides, in the land that gives his artworks a sense of place.

I am Jesus B. Jamora. My Artist name is Jeques, I am the “Waif.”

This painting best represents me as an artist. The image is a self-portrait of a kid from memory, back in my country where he continue to hover giving this painting a sense of home. The image may look peculiar to most of you, so let me tell you the story behind the painting.

If you’ve ever been to the Philippines or read about it, you would know that my country is an archipelago of more than 7,100 islands. We are literally embraced by the sea. During summer, many tourists flock to our beautiful islands where you would see these children waiting in the ports for foreigners to drop some coins from the ships and they would dive in the waters to claim their prize. I haven’t done that exactly, but I felt a certain connection to these children as an artist, for just like them, I’ve also been waiting, longing, seeking for  somebody to give me a chance, for a prize of home like an orphan waiting for his adoption.

Why do I feel like a waif?

I was an artist before I became a seminarian at 12, a nurse at 20, a pharmaceutical medical representative at 22, a boutique manager at 28, and an immigrant nurse at 34. I was an artist, I am. But circumstances left me lost, and strayed. I’ve been to many different fields working many different jobs but I’ve not really had the chance to do the one thing that my heart have always been longing to do. It is my faith that guided me to this path. It is my tenacity that brought me here knocking, hoping The School of the Art Institute of Chicago would open me the door of the chance I seek, to welcome me home so I could finally claim the prize I searched and offer my sense of purpose  as an artist.  

If I as a nurse could care for physically ill people back to health, I believe the Artist and would-be Art Therapist Jeques could touch lives to bring the tired spirits back to life.

And like a desolate soul, a lonely waif,

I wait for you to find me.

May your travels not take you long,

Come fast and love me.

It was wonderful to have the chance to mingle with many artists of differents ages, coming from different backgrounds, and races and culture; expressing arts in different forms to be one with them, to breath the same air and be a kindred spirit to other beautiful souls wanting to make the difference through our gifts. Each one of us have our individual stories we brought  to tell and are our contribution as artists that created the bigger than life work of art event that was. How wonderful it was to have the opportunity to belong, like a single thread with my own unique contribution to the whole creating the colorful tapestry of the moment. For a day, I was home.

Two of the SAIC students made a sample thesis presentation and posted a question: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” and the other asked, : What is your dream. In silence, in my corner of the 122 S Michigan ballroom, my heart answered in whisper:

“THIS IS WHAT I’VE WANTED TO BE AND I’VE ALWAYS DREAMED ABOUT.”

I wish you well, everyone.

~ Jeques


The Day After Tomorrow

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To Dream is one thing, to do something for the fruition of a dream is another.

The day after tomorrow, I shall wake up and be able to tell myself I did something. And for whatever this dream may come, I shall not grow old and regret for not trying. I could face my creator head high and tell Him I never wasted the gift for I tried.

Tomorrow.

An Attempt will be made.

I am ready.


Bait

 

You are always ripples away,

The tides ever

Between us.

 

Series of hurdles

As it appears in the surface

That this meek soul

Secretly transcends beneath;

Away from the prying eyes

Of predation.

 

You are designed

For cruel intentions,

That is how the world sees you.

But for the many years

That I followed your lead,

I learned to give your purpose

A different meaning.

 

I am grateful

To the hands that keep my safety

Disguised in undulation ~

Of the sudden swell of  waves between us.

Oftentimes your absence disheartens me,

Scared of losing you to the crest of tides, 

But reassured to see you still there

When the morning after 

Calms the bubbling surfs,

That in many occasions pushed us apart.

 

I praise the hands that hold

The mysterious fishing pole

And for chosing you the bait,

And thank time, too,

For helping me understand.

You are the reason

Why I swim the extra laps;

Take another stroke,

No matter how helpless

My frail attempts ~

Against the raging currents ~

Just to be near you.

 

Reason that I doubt,

The world’s shallow definition

Of predator and prey 

Would ever come to comprehend.

 

Your lead brought me to the deeps,

You are the pivot that draws me to the blue;

A hope that keeps my buoyancy,

And not sink in the ocean,

In the heart of possibilities.

 

When are you going to consume me?

 

~

(Follow the lead of your dream, trust the hands that hold the fishing pole and His design where the bait is going to take you. ~ Jeques)

The dragonfly is always been my metaphor in following the lead of my dreams. I used to chase them in the green fileds when I was a kid, like my dreams that I continue to chase as grown up.

—–

Jeques. From his “Traveler’s Soliloquies” poetry collection


Sweet Surrender

How did you know I’m here?

And you send me the same sunrise

That woke my many childhood mornings.

Only now it greets me every day here

In the other side of the world.

"Our Load" oil on canvas 30x24 by Jeques B. Jamora, 2009

How did you know I went here?

And you secretly filled my luggage with memories

To last me the many years that I’m away.

You equipt me with fuel,

Enough to survive me a lifetime.

 

How did you know I’m longing?

And you send me short notes that keep me sane

Messages brought here by the winds,

Postcards in the blossoms of flowers,

Your hand written letters in the night skies.

"Bougainvillea" pen, ink and pencil on paper by Jeques B. Jamora, 2010

How did you know the things I need?

You read my heart like the open pages

You keep me in the right direction,

And when at times I drift away

You send me signals, I am safe.

 

How did you know about my dreams?

You give my wishes a sense of place,

All the elements  in order at the right time.

You taught me to see the beauty in waiting

And hand me the key to the doors of being.

 

If you know all these how could I doubt you?

You made the arrangements beforetime.

I throw myself to the morrow in sweet surrender,

For I trust the guarantee of predestined schemes ~

Where the cushion of your will awaits.

Impending sunset captured snapshot by Jeques B. Jamora, Philippines 2010

 

If you have leafed through the pages of my soul,

Then there’s no reason for me to fear.

You know exactly this wanting I keep inside me,

Soon a name will fill the space I left blank.

The word I searched to complete my sentences is in your hand.

 

I welcome the impending sunset,

Knowing you would be there to sit beside me.

For now, I gather the rich harvest of my midday

Getting ready in anticipation

For the sunrise of your arrival.

 

I trust the will of time this way,

In sweet,  sweet surrender.

Jeques awaiting sunset in the makeshift hut by the river

~

Jeques, 2010. From his “Traveler’s Soliloquies” poetry collection.


Watch Me Fly

pencil and ink on paper by Jeques

A flyer

Perched, quiet

And resigned,

Watching you coquet

With the winds

And winged-deities

Flaunting.

 

I’ve Lost you in the skies

Countless times

For reasons unknown

And I don’t question.

Content of the little attention

Of few moments,

And gone.

Leaving me

For long days

Of cold hours,

And troubling dreams

In colorless nights, awake

Waiting.

 

A flyer

Perched, quiet

And resigned

Looking at the clouds 

And beyond

For signs

Of your return,

Anticipating

 

awkward starts

 

Timid stares

 

Chats in spontaneity

 

Endings that come swiftly

 

Shy divergence

 

Brief goodbyes

 

Parting touches that hesitate.

 

A flyer

Perched, quiet

And resigned

Content in the company

Of sheltering Canopy

That consoles.

Hanging on

To fibers of memories

Finding comfort

In tiny blooms;

Their lingering fragrance soothes

The aches of longing.

Vines that bridge

The absence

‘Til you’re back

To perch beside me;

Love abiding.

pencil and ink on paper, by Jeques

A flyer

Winged to soar

And suited

Daring heights ~

 

It is time.

 

In your return,

If you don’t find me

Perched as usual,

Look up to heavens

Where I belong ~

The flyer’s gone home.

 

Watch me fly.

 

Jeques, 2010. From his “Traveler’s soliloquies” poetry and artworks collection.

Postscripts:

I will be coming home to my country this month until April 2, 2010 for a vacation. I need this time to be in-touch with the navel of my journey to get hold of the loose end of entangling thoughts I struggle to find meaning. Perhaps in coming home I would find relevance in every tangled threads of thoughts, so I could move forth climbing mountains, daring heights with found clarity. I can’t wait February 10 to be home .

I wish you well.

 

~ Jeques

 

 

 

 


New York: What You Mean To Me

 

The places we visit are like peepholes we take a peek, revealing parts of a bigger picture of the journeys we take. This is what New York showed me. I visited the place for the first time last year, but it felt like I was there forever.

 

Land of childhood dreams

                                  Hedged in by enormous seas

                                                                           Damselfly alights

 

Have you ever had thought so strong it follows you all through life? I have. It is incessant and tarry as the  waves to the shore that come, and go, and come back in erratic intensity of currents taking me back, up, down and forth.

Years back, I wrote this haiku piece included in my Filipino Immigration collection and  New York, I have to confess, was the place in mind when I wrote it. I had a strong feeling even then, though I didn’t know exactly when, that one day I’m going alight on to its grounds like the damselfly and walk its streets where my dream arrived ahead of me. For somebody who lived in the other side of the world, it was a dream that for years I half-believed, but after January 17, 2009, with all my heart, I now do.

i-love-new-york-134

I first saw America in a postcard, in a picture of a snowy Time Square, New York and visited the place countless times in my thoughts. I’m not sure who owned that card, or who sent it to whom and from where, but I think of it now an invitation sent by my fate from the future to come to a place. An enticement I ignored, or perhaps I turned down at some point doubting possibilities, but the invitation ever haunting.

Years after, I arrived in Chicago and saw snow for the first time. I walked the streets in many snowy days, and my thought of the christmas card would return, unreeling in waves and waves of flashback  like an old film but the picture always incomplete, not until last year, when fate put me exactly in that old picture of the postcard I once viewed as a child. My dream and I converged in Time Square where all the elements conspired, and felt the snow the way the child thought it should feel melting on my face when I  arrive to answer that long time invitation.

i-love-new-york-012

I really thought my many years of incessant thoughts of New York ended when I finally answered its invitation. But I fear, No! I left many stones unturned with my brief weekend visit last year that continue to frequent my reveries, courting me with new angles of possibility. This is what New York mean to me now. For many years, it’s something impossible and far away, and when I reached to touch its grounds, it remained mystical and distant. I felt ignored during my visit. I even wonder it  noticed my presence. Perhaps it’s my fault for ignoring the invitation too long that fate have forgotten about the christmas card and didn’t recognize me when I finally stepped into the picture to answer its long time invitation.

 

I love New York

But it didn’t love me back

 

A love that endured

Years of dreaming

And wake up

To walk its streets

For fleeting moment

And temporary bliss

That dissolves

With its rushing time.

 

I chased you

In the fast lanes

Of my recurring dreams.

I run after your affection

In the weekend

I spent with you,

Unnoticed.

 

I love New York

But it didn’t love me back.

 

I contented myself

With passing glances

A vagabond

A tourist

A spectator

A stranger

A passerby

An audience

Until the curtains dropped

And the show ended

When day light shied away

From your night lights.

But that’s when I start to dream,

Again, where you become real.

 

Only in dreams

That I belong to you

And when I trully walk your streets

And leave marks

Of my footsteps

In your heart.

 

Tomorrow,

When you wake up,

I hope you recognize

My footprints

Among the many vagabond

That walked the paths

That meet in the intersection

Where dreams alight

And don’t dissolve

With the fumes

Of your heavy traffic.

 

Only then that my dream

Would really come alive.

New York is one of the places I visited that intrigued me to fathom its relevance to my journey. It is like a hole in a lock where a key would fit one day awaiting to be turned to reveal me many things behind the shut door. I doubt the possibilities no more when fate put me in that picture and walked the streets of the postcard of long ago that gave me the preview of what was to come and in fleeting moments became a surreal reality that weekend. I know I need to come back to complete the story and when I do, I would not leave a single stone unturned.

Our dreams may reside in many different places. Places that would speak to us in many different languages, giving us messages, revealing to us secret codes that would help decipher the mysteries of our journeys.  I wish my pictures would work like the old postcard did to me and reach the eyes and hearts of dreamers to invite, to entice and reassure that dreams still come alive if we believe. And I hope you would answer that invitation soon.

 Don’t make your dreams wait too long.

i-love-new-york-0671

Jeques at Stairway to heaven. Time Square, New York, January 2009

 

 

 

 

 


Mind Games and Coloring Books

 

Soar with me to heights unbounded,

Dreams go on and on

Defying concrete fences

Built by customs’

Narrow bounderies.

 

We can fly high and re-arrange stars

Put them to places we want them

Or take them home if we should,

Linger for awhile if we would

We are the law

In the mind games

I would play with you.

 

We’ll assign the stars colors

Give the comets names

Like we did in coloring books as kids

And for a moment we were  the gods

Controlling the the courses of the universe

As we please.

 

I’d like to wake you up

Where the lashes of the forests

Grew unruly,

Where litters are beautiful,

Orderly not good,

And neatness is not known

Under my decorated skies.

"our mirths" oil on canvas 36x36 by Jeques B. Jamora, 2009

I’d swim with you in the ocean

Where nobody drowns

And the raindrops swim with us,

Crown our heads 

Bejeweled with brilliant wreaths

As we emerge in the surface

Sharing mirths.

 

Let me invite you in a repast

From the bounty of my harvest

Where beverages flow no end.

We don’t have to worry

For the banquet replenishes,

And we don’t have to gain weight

For the body regulates itself.

 

Stroll with me in a leisurely walk

Where time freezes to four o’clock

When the sun is friendly,

The wind acquiesce as the crowd consenting,

And the perfumed path we chose

Under the canopy of greens and blooms

Ends in the sea where the sunset

Prepared us a breath-taking show

In the altar of the gods.

 

Let us hold hands

In the silence of the songs

That our hearts sing in unison,

Promising vows of forever

Witnessed by the dances of the dolphins

Recorded  by the ears of the ocean

Encapsulated by the infinite seashells

Strewn in the bed of sands

Of the seashore where our feet

Are planted in the grounds

Of a home we found in each other.

 

If I could have things my way

I would play mind games

And spend coloring books with you,

But if not,

Would you still love me?

 

Jeques, 2010


Unrequited

 

 

I understand the books in the shelf,

Untouched. Covers gathering dusts

Pages turn yellow, words unread,

Wisdom unhearkened.

Banquet prepared by writers

Wasted to termites

Leaving disinterested heads unfed,

Hearts failed, voices neglected.

 

I understand the bud in the wild

That awakens at dawn, 

But nobody drops a visit til midday,

Not a single butterfly, not a bee,

And wilts unnoticed at the end of day.

 

I understand the tree along the river

Bearing fruits all summer;

Realeases sweet odor filling the air

Inviting reapers, but nobody came.

Fruits dropping in the stream like tears,

Wasting her gifts again this year.

 

I understand the green patch of meadow

Hedged by dense forests, bordered by a cliff

Pruned by gazelles and deers

Year after year,

But nobody ever arrives with a mat to picnic;

Not a single soul carrying an easel reaches to paint.

Picturesque view wasted on the wilds.

 

I understand the sea-shells stranded

In a far-flung coast, unfrequented,

That the surf polish

And washed white by the brines

But no one comes to pick them for souvenir.

Encapsuled songs of the ocean

No one hears.

 

I understand the fate of weeds that grow

In the unwanted crevices

Of the concrete pavements of the city, 

Sprouting to embellish her flaws

Cruelly treated, uprooted, tossed.

Seemingly, life undeserved.

 

I understand the child begging for mercy

Strayed in the maze of life

Without the guidance of a father.

Growing without a map to follow

With promising tomorrow to give,

But dreams wasted on vagabond.

 

I feel for the logs decaying in the forests;

Treasures lost in the ocean;

Shipwrecks forming rusts in the harbor.

 

I feel sorry for a bench 

That awaits in the park

Comes sunshine or rain;

Pews empty on sundays.

Envelopes not opened,

Letters left unread, unanswered.

 

I understand the purity of intentions,

Unrequited.

 

I feel for every little things

With so much to offer,

But are never given the chance.

 

Unanswered beaconing of the church bells.

 

When are you going to pick up

My heart’s calls?

 

 

Jeques, 2009. From his “Traveler’s Soliloquies” poetry collection.


Always The Right Cup

 

Some days,

Like now,

I turn the faucet on

But nothing comes out.

I stare,

Turns it back off

And wait.

 

There’s this thirst inside.

Sometimes I thought,

Perhaps I picked the wrong cup

To catch the down pour

That would not come.

 

I waited too long

To quench this wanting.

But still waited.

Waited

And forgot about my thirst.

 

Some other times,

I slide the sill open

Needing the sun

That’s hidden behind the walls

Of clouds

Portending storm.

But what would I need rain

Those times when my heart is flooded?

 

Often I thought,

I should have shut it close,

But still kept the sill open

And waited.

Waited

Until I slept waiting

For things

That would not be there

When needed.

In waiting

I forget. And still

Wake up to another day

With hopes

Renewed.

 

The water runs

From the faucet most days.

There’s rain when it’s the season.

Not all days,

But there’s the sun ~

They happen in succession

For a reason.

 

Dreams – nights, days – and reveries.

In your absence,

And in waiting

I understood:

 

There’s no such thing

As a wrong cup.

It’s in how I fill it up

And with what.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Biennial

2nd Year of Taming This Tyke’s Voice

August 16, 2009

Jeques Web Nook, Year 2

"prologue" oil on canvas 48x48 by Jeques B. Jamora

"Prologue" oil on canvas 48x48 the finale to Jeques's recent painting collection and the prologue to the next.

Today marks the second year of taming my voice as a writer and as an artist in general, in public. My web nook serves as my creative venue where I synthesize life’s inspirations, my journey, random thoughts, dreams, desperations, my share of pains in living, simple joys, bliss, life’s mirths, ponderings ~

My every day celebration for knowing that I breath and my existense is in tune with the universe’s rhymes.

It’s been two years and this nook gifted me with rich produce that I never realized I have inside me, had I not listen closely to the fragile voice that told me stories, recited me poetry, painted my life with colors.

In commemoration with Jeques web nook biennial celebration, I am proud to formally launch my bountiful harvest as an artist in My Art Portfolio. This is the produce from my continuous reconnaissance of my gift.

Follow the tracks of the waif’s journey. And may you whisper a prayer in every turn and  trail, for the waif to find his home.

Through my works, I would like to represent the displaced artists in different fields for some reasons, becoming like waifs, that I am, searching for home. I share the sentiments of artists unable to do their arts, caged in the jobs that are far from what their hearts purely desire to do. I aim as an artist to speak to that audience, to inspire them through my works and to make a statement that it is possible. Every art piece I finish is a struggle, but each is a step closer to home.  (an excerpt from “Self Portrait Of The Artist In Words” by Jeques. Complete story is found in the last page of the of the portfolio). 

PLEASE CLICK IMAGE TO FOLLOW THE TRAILS OF THE WAIF >>>

 

"waif" oil on canvas 30x30(close up view) by Jeques B. Jamora


Dreams Alight

The child had a vision he will arrive at this moment. He saw everything before all these happened, the images was clear in his reveries, the picture was complete in his imagination. His mind’s feet had walked this path, his mind’s senses had lived this moment. It was not easy for his young mind to understand the vision, It was not easy for his young heart to contain what he saw. All he knew then was to dream. There was a map engraved in his heart, the mind followed the direction that took him to the present.
 
The child grew up to be that man in his vision. Standing still, he look back, following the tracks of his journey back  to the child who told him many stories they weaved together: 
 
The child dreamt.
 
Him, lives. 

 

 I sketch a landscape in my mind’s canvas;
Tracing the figures using my child’s eyes.
Paint it with colors just the way it was.
I feel brimful of joy that my soul cries.

 "Rendezvous" series #1 oil on canvas 20x20, by Jeques B. Jamora, 2009   "Rendezvous" series #4 oil on canvas 20x20, by Jeques B. Jamora, 2009

"Rendezvous series #2 oil on canvas 20x20, by Jeques B. Jamora, 2009   "Rendezvous" series # 3 oil on canvas 20x20, by Jeques B. Jamora

(“Rendezvous” series 1 – 4 oil on canvas 20×20, by Jeques B. Jamora, 2009)

There’s the refulgent streams of the river
Flowing beneath the bamboos’ lush bowers.
Their drowsy whistles I still remember.
When winds blow through the leaves and the boulders.

 

There’s the rock that rests on the reef of stones,
Where the tyke sits when he would go fishing.
Silence croons him with nature’s pristine tones.
When a fish pulls his bait, his heart’s dashing.

 

There’s the lily that cupped the morn’s dewdrops.
Frogs stay motionless on their giant leaves,
Until an insect strays by their tongue traps.
Their prying eyes ever alert like thieves.

 

 There’s the damselfly that hovers above
My head and the tip of my fishing rod.
A scene I always remember with love,
It never fails to cheer me when I’m sad.

"Dreams Alight" study oil on canvas 30x30, by Jeques B. Jamora

"Dreams Alight" study oil on canvas 30x30, by Jeques B. Jamora

 

 There’s the sun peeping through the verdant trees;
Casting their shimmering hued reflections
On the running waters like pageantries.
Moving me to profound contemplations.

 

Ah, idyllic landscape, ethereal arts.
We always have that child’s nook in our hearts.

(“Childhood Nook, Revisited!” From the poetry collection by: Jesus B. Jamora, 04/21/06)

  "Dreams Alight" oil on canvas 36x36, by Jeques B. Jamora, 2009

“Dreams Alight” oil on canvas 36X36, by Jeques B. Jamora, 2009

I am now  beginning to slowly understand the child’s vision that used to scare me. I am now starting to polish the rough edges of the images and lay the pictures on the frames as I translate the vision to become my breathing, throbbing realities.

I awake to the present to write on the pages the stories that the child once told me. I alight to this moment where his dreams had landed long before I arrived.

I used to think I was chasing my dreams, I now understand I did not. Like  the damselflies that alight on my palm as a kid, dreams, too, alight when I learned to open myself and keep my heart still.

 

~ Jeques


A Prelude To A Million Dreams

My creative muse prompts me to begin writing on a fresh page as I start a new process of knowing. This is the time of my life when I do things because I feel like doing them. Like, I write because I would like to read my thoughts tangible in words taking form written on pages, so I would get a better grasp of them.

to-the-deeps-0151

Like the damselflies of my childhood, I don’t chase my thoughts anymore now that I’m grown up. My mind, like my palms to the damdelflies, I will open so dreams and thoughts could freely alight to show me their beauty. I will befriend this elusive guests instead of running after them like I did during my reckless youth. Perhaps this way, I could encourage their frequent visits.

"to the deeps" #1, oil on canvas by : Jeques B. Jamora, 2009

To The Deeps

At midnight

When half the world is asleep,

The prying eyes of the nocturnal owl

Stay alert for mice dozing undergrownds.

."to the deeps" #2, oil on canvas by : Jeques B. Jamora, 2009

A turtle slowly prowls in a swamp

Disturbing the resting fishes

On the shallow waters.

."to the deeps" #3, oil on canvas, 20x20 by : Jeques B. Jamora, 2009

Somewhere, you are confined

Asleep in your room dreaming.

While I stay awake questioning.

.#to the deeps" #4, oil on canvas, 20x20, by : Jeques B. Jamora, 2009

Am I part of your dreams tonight?

Would I take part in your life

When you awake in the morning?

.to-the-deeps-010

The night ends

With the owl catching no mice.

The fishes has gone to The deeps,

But the turtle hasn’t reach where ’tis going.

Just like me with my doubts never fading.

."to-the-deeps" #2 and 3

But nevertheless always wishing

That one day I’d stop questioning

And to The deeps I’d just let the fishes

Swim.

"to-the-deeps" #3 and 4

Unhurried thoughts and dreams come pellucid like the reflection of the summer skies on a placid river. I aim to write my thoughts that way: to achieve such clarity. These thoughts, my dreams reflected on pages as I allow the readers to grasp them like viewing the river and the skies on a clear summer day.

But sometimes, words are just ain’t enough. There are thoughts and dreams conceived that come in defined shapes, definite forms and rich colors. So I capture them in sketches. Such thoughts and dreams come alive on pads as my pen and pencil give them skin and the ink give them blood and the images from my mind come throbbing alive in sketches.

But then again, oftentimes, I am haunted by vivid dreams and thoughts that not my pen and the pencil nor the ink are enough to breath them life, to bring them the colors like the coquettish fishes flirting my mind with their exotic dance moves in the river where my mind often hovers. They demand to be born and inhabit the canvas, and only my brush strokes could give them soul, only the pallette could bring to life their hued reflections flickering in my imagination ~

Conspicuous in light and shadows.

This is the time of my life when I am fully in touched with my creative muse and the river of my mind is on its calmest state, where any minute movements are reflected that could stir ripples of dreams, and rapture of colors like the blossoms in springtime. The pages and the pads and the canvas are like the verdant fields where my dreams bloom. They are like the river in my mind where the fishes swim to the deeps in their coquettish dance moves that preludes to a million dreams.

The damselfly is within reach – I am taking time to appreciate his beauty as he hovers and I, motionless wishing the damselfly would soon alight in my palms.

Who says that dreams are black and white?

oil on canvas 20X20 by : Jeques B. Jamora


While You Are Away

Suddenly, a dike that held the ideas I searched for more than a year now, just burst open and flooded me with inspirations I was caught by the current of the gentle streams, and found myself stranded in front my easel painting again.

memories-from-home-004

(“Our Eden” Oil On Canvas 24X30 By: Jeques B. Jamora, 022709)

I stopped painting in November, 2007. That was when my father was hospitalized for the last and the longest time before he died in January, 2008.  My painting with the working title,”Pending Life,” is still unfinished and I decided to just leave it that way. When I went home to the Philippines for his funeral, I have planned in my head that when I return to Chicago, I will continue where I have left off but things didn’t turn out easy for me. There was a long drought of ideas, and I was just demotivated returning in front my easel.

I came back with a heap of image materials I collected from home I planned to use for my paintings, but I let them sleep in my computer. It was a year of dormancy, of distance from my arts, but I have written rich poetry and prose. The leave of absence of one passion, the working season for the other.

And then it returned, images suddenly haunt me. I tried to capture them in words at first mistaking them for poetry but they are so vivid they are tangible, I can almost touch the colors. Winter was the season of courtship with the ideas. One by one I befriend them, I tried to capture the hue, the contrasts, the idea, the images that formed in the canvas of my imagination and I listened to what it is telling me.

And then came the title, WHILE YOU ARE AWAY: Memories From Home. This is a collection of painting ideas I conceived since I was a kid, but didn’t have the resources to put them on canvas. The collection is the union of the rich ideas from childhood with my present state of mind. They use to be just dreams, and time had given me power to give them forms and shapes and colors.

This is my journey, a walk back to my art path I strayed many times.

This is the new beginning, my new frontier to my passion that appears to be new, but the road is strangely familiar like I have been here before, in my dreams, as a lost young artist, before you found me.

Have I finally stepped into our eden that I created long ago?  

For us ~

While you are away.


I Don’t Want To Scare You

~

I have seen you before,

Many times,

In countless encounters,

Crossing my path

As I walk

To the many directions

That this life

Is taking me.

.

But I’m not really sure about you.

.

I thought

You’re just a dream

Appearing to me

Now and then 

In a trance,

Like a hazed mirage

Flirting with my imagination

As I travel on:

 

In the deserts,

And plains,

And valleys,

And hills,

And mountains,

And steep cliffs,

And shores,

And autumn leaves-strewn sidewalks,

And snow-carpeted pavements,

And cobblestone alleys,

And floral-scented streets,

And verdant meadows

And prairies

Of my life’s journey.

.

In those many instances

It was this morning

That I saw your very soul

When I sit 

To watch you closely

In the eyes

And you glanced back

To meet my soul.

.

In our too brief commune,

The busy streets

Rolled to a halt,

The clock stopped,

Time freezed ~

.

There was only

You and me

In an ackward state :

.

You,

Barely hidden

In the small forest

Of weeds and grasses and herbs

That grow their way

In a pavement’s

Widening crevice.

.

And I,

Scrouched down

On my knees

Wanting to touch you

And make a tangible memory

Of this rare encounter ~

.

But I don’t want to scare you.

.

I content myself

Recording in my heart

Everything that this chance,

This moment

Offers us to have

And to hold.

.

I didn’t even gave in

To the thoughts

Of taking you pictures.

.

And then

You gallop away

To the bushes

In a man-made garden

Of the city park,

Concealing yourself

From my sight

By taking the colors

Of life

In the place

We both inhabit ~

In a parallel universe ~

Albeit in separate spheres:

.

You and I

Together,

But not quite. 

.

I didn’t attempt

To run after you.

You are free,

Yes, you are.

But In my heart,

You are always home.

.

I don’t know,

I am not sure,

If there would be

Another chance,

Another moment

In my paths ahead

Of another encounter

With you ~

.

Would there be

Another forest

Of weeds and grasses and herbs

Growing in this city

Pavements’ widening crevices?

.

Would there be

Another morning

When time would freeze,

And there would only be

You and me

Meeting in the eyes,

As our souls commune

In the parallel universe

We inhabit?

.

Until then,

But for now,

I content myself

Holding on

To our intangible

Memories,

As I continue

To celebrate

Your presence ~

.

Somewhere,

In the lush bushes

Reappearing

Now and then,

Coquetting,

Galloping,

Untamed

In my imagination,

.

In my heart.

~

(A poem written about my brief encounter with an untamed rabbit, in the most unusual place in the City. Chicago, 2008)

 

 

 

 

 


Waiting For The Morning

 

 

Under the cotton sheets

Face hiding ~

Beneath soft fabric shadow ~

Body contained

Sleepless mind traveling

Beneath soft fabric dreams.

 

Under the cotton sheets

Soul finds refuge ~

Beneath soft fabric shadow ~

Heart in restraints

Set free in dreams

Beneath soft fabric window.

 

Under the cotton sheets

Lost soul found love ~

Beneath soft fabric memories ~

Tamed Heart awake

Waiting for the morning

Beneath soft fabric dawn.

 

 


Déjà vu: Seeing My Reflections In Their Eyes

reflections4

I walk the same roads I trod at eighteen,
I stand on my hometown’s pavement again.

.

In life’s transits we’re merely passengers.

As I glance upon the streaming strangers,

I feel a certain familiarity

There’s strange kinship in the locality.

.

I take the same spot I took at sixteen,

I’m seated at the same station again.

.

I can’t move forward with my travels blind,

Flash backs of my past trips rush in my mind.

There are story-filled structures in the streets

We are commuters to life’s immense fleets.

.

I breath the same air I breathed at thirteen.

I’m home to the place of my youth again.

reflections3
 

‘Tis a breath of fresh air ro be around kids, especially around my nephews and nieces. I enjoyed their company during my recent home-coming. Watching them is like seeing fragments of my reflections strewn in their eyes. I see myself in them, I see strangely familiar sounds in their voices and laughter, being with them is experiencing Déjà vu as I watch their every moves. A piece of me is somewhere in their genes, each of them are my little version ~ we are connected in that way.

It is fun to see familiar moves and be reminded of how I used to be when I was their age. My eldest niece is 18 and the youngest is 5. I cherish their company, it was like watching myself from age 5 to 18, like when we were together during mealtimes, or during games, in our chats, telling stories, laughing, roaming around, seeing things or even just in simple exchanges of smiles.

reflections2
— 
They are one of the reasons for my coming to America. I want to open for them a better option in life, new possibilities, new frontiers. I would like to be an inspiration. I would like to plant in their hearts seeds of dreams. I would like to nourish what I have planted. For remnants of my dreams are ingrained somewhere in their genes, deep in their hearts. 
And as I’ve mentioned in one of my previous posts: I would like to become somebody for them, that person I wish I had(but never had) when I was growing up. Please click link: https://jeques.wordpress.com/2007/12/14/becoming-somebody-i-wish-i-had/

reflections 

Child Once, Too

By: Jesus B. Jamora, 2005

~

Let the child run free, uphills or down plains

Like a gazelle that gallops in prairies.

Let him swim in lakes, bathe in rains

And coquette like the mystical fairies.

Censor him not for he is free from stains

Trust not the filthy mind of the gentries.

Free the child from the restraining chains

And from the customs’ narrow bounderies.

Let him be for his generations’ gains ~

Allow the children to weave their stories.

For Writers Island: “Déjà vu”

~


The Flickering Lights (Over The Horizon)

Three things that relax me:

Morning walks,

the sea

and dreaming.

I used to walk every day before sunrise when I was still in the Philippines, and my morning walks would usually end in the beach that opens to the sea where I conceive my dreams. ‘Tis my daily pilgrimage and like any pilgrims, my walks, my short journey to the sea enriches me. There is much more wisdom gained in becoming than in being. It is in my daily walks that I composed many of my poetry, that I conceived many new and sometimes crazy ideas. I feel connected to the streams of inspirations, creativity over flows, I commune with nature, I am in-touch with my creator. 

I walk to understand life, I walk to find me.

 A Traveler’s Soliloquy (Prologue)

.

On the steep cliff at the edge of the coast,

Lies a vine that bears a rare white flower ~

Hanging in wait like a forlorn soul, lost.

.

The sirens of the calm ocean whisper;

Echoing with the mountains’ dirge like ghost.

These plangent cries pervade the dawn’s zephyr:

.

 “Let go of your clinging grip; it is time.

Your fate beacons from the unknown distance.

Hear the ringing of your destiny’s chime,

Answer the summons of this tenuous chance!”

.

 

The flower’s ineffable faith in life

Propels its heart to will to face its fears;

To transcend many generations’ strife,

And to fulfill the tales oft told by seers.

.

 

So, in the young hours of the morning,

Along the threnody crooned by the wind

The flower cut its thin fiber clinging.

To seize its future, this passage’s end ~

 

I arrive in the beach just before the sun appears over the horizon. I look at that boundary where the skies kiss the sea, you could not  tell where the earth ends and the heavens begin. It is one of the calmest scene one could ever see. I feel so small before the ocean and the arched skies. I am humbled by God’s genius painting the skies with colors that no artist could ever duplicate. And then slowly, some flashes of lights burst over the horizon that astounish me everytime. I am silenced. What comes next is a magical moment when the sun takes flight completely leaving its last kiss to the sea, the magical moment happens when the flickering lights appear like glitters strewn over the ocean.

The hepnotic flickering lights over the horizon inspire my reveries, promising endless possibilities. My dreams lie beyond the horizon: where the sea birds fly, where I saw the airplanes disappear, where the glitters are more brilliant.

Years later, I have crossed the sea. I soared in the skies higher than the sea birds, I went where the airplanes disappear, I alight in the land of endless possibilities to live my dreams. I arrived in the blank space over the horizon that I only used to watch in my morning walks, in the sea, in my dreams.

It was a journey that started with my morning walks, look where my dreams brought me. It is an enriching journey. the wisdom I gained along the way are the glitters I gathered that are now part of me. I am miles away from home – that’s the warm glow I watch over the horizon now. Somewhere behind that glow where the sun kiss the sea is my home, my reasons for coming here and where all these glitters I collect some day would belong.

Three things I wish I will have forever in my life:

Morning walks,

the sea

and dreams.

I could not tell where this three would bring me from where I am now. The flickering lights over the horizon beacon endless possibilities. New dreams are conceived, my heart is ready, I open my arms in acceptance.

A Traveler’s Soliloquy (Epilogue)

.

I reached the edge of the coast at twilight.

Walking back, I draw deep breaths of relief.

The sea is tinged with sunset’s crimson light.

On my path are flowers strewn on the reef.

I picked the salient flower in pure white,

When I looked up, I see vine-drapes on cliff.

 

 

 

 


“1sts” (9. Publication)

newspaper clip 

 (Newsclip of my 2nd published winning piece in a writing competition – The Philippine STAR, October2, 2004).

It was a busy day and I was drained of all my energies after a long sales conference I attended that day. I was working in the pharmaceutical industry then. I was driving back to the hotel I’m staying when I decided to drop by a newspaper stand to get a copy of the broadsheet I failed to read that day. It was raining, I even used the paper to cover my head back to the car. I scanned the pages before starting the engine.

The world around me suddenly rolled to a halt. The pedestrian seemed to have stopped moving, the noise in the streets was silenced. The rain ceased. It felt like only me and the newspaper I was holding exists and matters at that moment. I felt a gush of cold air in my head down my spine, but my cheeks remained hot and flushed. I can’t believe I was actually seeing my face printed on the newspaper I was reading. My entry to the Swatch Watch Celebrate Life idea writing contest was published and I was one of the six winners from the thousand of entries in the writing competition I first joined – must be a beginners luck – and won. I pinched my arm to confirm I wasn’t dreaming. Then the noise returned, it was still raining, the world around me continue its movements as it was, and like a feather caught by the wind I alight on my seat back to earth.

~

Life, I’ve realized, is a seed.

Neglect life and it shall perish.

Celebrate life and the seed will grow

And flourish.

Family and friends are extension

Of God’s love to nurture the seed.

Joys and sorrows are moments

That mold us . . .

.

The fruit is a sturdy,

Seasoned tree ~

You!

~

(Winner, Celebrate Life Idea Contest – 2bU, Lifestyle section of the Philippine Daily Inquirer, December 18, 1998)

~

I went back to the newspaper stand and bought 2 of the copies left. I drove around the city to buy all the copies I could get from all the stalls I know that evening; I got 12. I instantly called my friends telling them to get a copy of the newspaper and find out what caused my excitement. But everybody called back telling me there are no copies left – I forgot it was me who emptied the stalls. So I invited them over and we had an impromptu celebration.

I didn’t really got a big prize. Seeing my work published was enough for a reward. I treasure until now the Swatch sparkling life limited edition watch I got from the contest and is in my memorabilia box at home. But I don’t know what happened, of the 12 copies of the newspaper I bought that day that I was not able to keep one for myself which I regret. The publication kept me elated everytime I think of that moment for years but wasn’t enough to keep me writing and to convince myself I could write. It was a one shot luck.

It took me another 7 years before I was able to gather enough courage to write my thoughts and submit an entry to another writing contest again which I won(must be a beginners luck part 2).

It was that same feeling the first time I saw my picture and my entry published in the news paper – everything came back to me and I could never forget that moment. The essay posted “About Me” is the excerpt from my winning entry, “The ‘One Hundred Love Poems’ That Reconciled Me With Poetry,” to the National Book Store and Philippine STAR’s Essay Writing Contest which was published October 2, 2004. Please click here to view:

https://jeques.wordpress.com/about-me/

My second win made the difference. It served to give me signal to go on and write, which I obeyed. I was published twice before I was convinced I can write. I feel a certain elation whenever I finish writing something. But looking back to those moments when I saw my works published on a national newspaper, the elation was different. Its not really the prize that mattered, it’s that different kind of “high” I felt when I saw my works printed.

It’s every writers’ dream to be published, and I understand why.

click link below to view my other “1sts” (moments).

https://jeques.wordpress.com/category/1sts/


“1sts” (7. Nostalgia)

Nostalgia

“Nostalgia” (Oil on Canvas, 30×38, By: Jeques B. Jamora, Nov, 2007)

~

Rare pearls of south sea

Strewn in far off  shores

Conspicuous gems.

 (Filipino Immigration, Haiku Series #5)

 
~

I was born and grew up in one of my homeland’s scattered islands, in the heart of the Philippine Archipelago. Our country is embraced by the sea; if God is the ocean, then He must have loved the Filipinos so much. We are constantly caressed by the sea waves come high tide or low tide,  the ocean enfolds us. We are generously showered by God’s salty kisses.

The beach is one thing I miss about home ~ my walks in the sea shores, the brine touching my skin, the sand tickling the soles of my feet, the view of the open sea’s apparent horizon nourishing my dreams. I am now here “beyond that horizon,” which I just used to watch in my walks in the strands.

Sometimes, you will never really know and understand a thing until you stay away from it. I now undertand better what I love about my country, and what I miss about home. The sea is one of them.

My earliest memory of the sea are the mangroves. These dense thickest along the rivers and the tidal shores was my first view of the sea. We live in the inland, so before I saw the endless emerald green seas under the azure skies, my young eyes was already captured by this mystical greens that lined the coasts and the river banks. There is something in their verdancy that transport me back in time.

Mangroves are time machines of my nostalgia for simplier, uncomplicated life of childhood. It brings me back to the summer of my youth, of my first boat ride, of  fishing, of hunting, of swimming in the pristine river brine. My happy thoughts and bitter-sweet longing for my first sunburn.

~

The Sea, You and Me

I’ve seen how everything are connected

That somehow we are one ~ interrelated.

As I tread the sands stretching to the sea,

And my size is engulfed by its infinity,

I watch in great wonder how God links things.

And How God connected you to me~

.

The seawaves gently kissing the seashores.

The shore that’s bed to the infinite sands.

The sand that reaches the roads, that lead me home.

The home inside my heart where you belong.

.

You are safe in my heart you are home now.

Today, as you open the doors, streets you will see.

.

Walk the streets, it will lead you to me.

The many winding roads take you somewhere,

To the beach, maybe.

The beach where the sands are gathered

Forming the fine strands kissed by the sea.

The sea that stretches reaching me here.

The enormous sea that links you to me.

~

Thinking of the sea, painting the mangroves, feeding my nostalgia. When shall the salty sea-breeze of home ever kiss me again?

~ Jeques


My Precious

~

We both collected marbles

In random, we choose and pick the finest.

And then, we exchange our hand-picked treasures.

My choice, I hand to you.

Yours, I kept precious.

May we always treasure our memories together

Like the marbles ~

Precious.

~

You often visit me in my sleep. My dreams of you fill up the spaces of your absence. It’s consoling that we are together, even if they only happen in my dreams.

I have this strange dream of you again.

The two of us picking marbles together. Collecting marbles seemed our passion as we meticulously examine each of those tiny pieces from the dunes of sand, picking our precious find.

I was helping you pick the finest. I have already collected a few for myself, which I keep in my pocket. I even show you one of my treasured posession, which you liked, so I gave to you. In exchange, I asked for one of those you picked. I’m not sure if you like the idea, but you obliged.

You decided we both had enough, but I insisted we look some more. My suggestion did not fail us, from the rubbles of piled woods and rocks we discovered a rare find: A pair of peculiarly shaped gem of stones. We watch them closely. They look strangely familiar to me, but completely new to you. I am glad you kept them anyway.

And off we go.

I asked if you can drop me home, which you obliged. I took the backseat of your car even if I saw a certain hesitation on your face. I eventually transferred on the passenger side.

And then I awake, and you are gone.

I wrote this to keep as much of the memories from the dream. I am elated to have a glimpse of you, contented even if it happens only in a fleeting dream. It sadden me to end our moment together when I awake, though. Leaving me questions in my thoughts.

I reflect upon what the marbles and the pair of peculiar stones mean to us. Whatever this dream is telling me, I just wish that we always treasure the memories we shared together. No matter how peculiar they are, like the stones, let us keep them anyway. Like the marbles ~ precious.