Taming This Tyke's Voice Since 2007

Lovely Elements (Haiku)

~

Fish peers through heavens,

 

Sky revere her own image

 

On the placid lake

 

~

I would be working long hours this weekend. I will be back sunday afternoon, American time.

I wish you well.

 

~ Jeques

 

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2 responses

  1. This is lovely.

    Is the fish meant to be a single fish peering through the skies, or fish in general?

    Does the ‘her’ in the second line refer to “Heaven” or the fish?

    As you’ve written it, it can be interpreted as:

    (one) Fish peers through the skies
    (the) Heavens revere her (the fish’s) image
    On the place lake

    If you changed the agreement, you could have:

    (many) Fish peer through the skies,
    Heaven reveres her (own) image
    On the placid lake

    Which meaning is closer to what you intend?

    M.

    PM00000080000001031 10, 2007 at 12:00 pm12

  2. M,

    You know I’ve written and re-written this piece many times because I had a hard time arranging my real intentions considering the strict requirements of the Haiku form. Thank you very much for thoroughly looking at the details, you gave me light so I can clearly arrange my intentions and still met the requirements of the form.

    I really appreciate your help polishing this.

    I wish you well.

    ~ Jeques

    AM000000120000005231 10, 2007 at 12:00 am12

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