My Daily Letter To “You” #2
I hear somebody’s voice calling in the hall way.
I am writing the nurse’s notes in the station. It is quiet at 3:00 AM. Except for the voice.
I hear the voice again, this time it is louder. There is no patient with the name Judy in this floor. Who could it possibly be? That I have to find out, I only know it is a voice of a male patient. I close the chart and follow where the voice is coming. And there he is, our demented patient walking confused in the hall way calling.
Who are you calling? There is no Judy here.
My wife Judy, I need my clothes. I can’t find anything from the closet.
Your wife is not here, you are in a nursing home. Let me find clothes for you. Now go back to your room. It’s too early to rise. You need sleep.
He went back to bed like nothing happened. He has been acting strange lately. The devorce paper filed by her wife has been approved. He is lost.
One early morning, the other week, he is not in bed. He is used to going down to the main dining room in the basement so I didn’t worry. After an hour, he is not yet back. I paged him. He came 30 minutes after.
Where have you been? I was looking for you. Did you not hear me paged you to come up here?
I went out to walk home. But I can’t find my way. The neighborhood is different than it used to be. I am lost.
Then he went to his room, as if nothing happened and went to sleep. Was he dreaming in his sleep, or was he dreaming while awake?
He left me pondering since this morning. I am writing this to share my thoughts with you. People seem to live life to search. And then to get away. What’s left after are the memories that linger and haunt us even in sleep. I wonder what’s inside the mind of this demented patient. What memories left, what’s haunting him? It must be lonely inside his mind.
He made me ask myself questions. What memories I wanted to make? What memories I wanted to keep.
The sad voice echoes in my head. It reminds me that I am in search, too. I am in search for a nameless face with no image, a soundless voice. I am inside a dream of shadows. I see nothing but I feel not alone. Somewhere in the hazed maze of this path I took is you. I record and write every memory. I want to bring your existence to light. I want to remember.
In my dream
I watch you in your sleep.
My soul feels glad
My heart leaps.
Images of you haunt me
From the time I wake
‘Til my sleep.
I wish you well ~ Jeques